Blueprinting a Marriage.

     This week I’d like to talk about continue my post from last week by talking about the few years of marriage. Tailing off of last week, we talked about how we should be intentional in our relationships instead of sliding into them. I’ve learned that if we are intentional in our relationships, we are much more likely to have a happy functional and rewarding marriage. This marrying someone who we are truly compatible with is crucial in the first 5 years. This is because this is when a marriage goes through the most change and trails. Especially when kids come along.

   When we get married, we often think it ill be all sunshine and roses and we can just spend our whole lives with the person we love most. While this is true and it’s supposed to be a very rewarding and wonderful, even perhaps the best part of our lives. It can be difficult. When 2 people get married they have a lot to figure out that most people have probably never considered before, things like, who will take hat household duties Who or how will the finances be managed, what cultural differences will be kept, and which ones won’t be, whose family will we spend the holidays with. All of these things are common points of controversy in the first years of marriage. But that’s okay because marriage is literally the forming a new family, and something as complex as a family isn’t perfect from its first blueprint like an engineering project. What really matters is how these things and other are handled between a husband and wife.

      In an earlier post I talked about having theoretical cycles our boundaries around different people. The most core and primary one being between the husband and wife. This is where that become really important. The key is working to form your new family within that boundary. Too often we see a wife who continues to go to her mom for every conflict and every decision when trying to blueprint the first year of marriage. Or a new husband who will council with friends about things that he really should be talking to his wife about. The fact of the matter is you’re not forming a new family with your mother or your friends. You’re forming a new family with your wife/ husband and that’s who you should be discussing what that family will look like and how it will work.

    I want to take a moment to talk specifically about when the first kid comes into, he picture. I want to talk on this because right about the time that most things have been figured out between a couple, it all changes when the first child is born. A lot changes when a child is born in to a family but I want to come back to the idea of the boundary surrounding the husband and wife for moment. One thing that makes having kids especially interesting is basically no matter what that child suddenly enters that very innermost circle that has probably just recently really been established. At first this may seem harmless but if were not careful what often times can happen is the mother’s attention suddenly becomes solely focused on the baby (which it should), but the father can very quickly feel a bit neglected and feel he has lost his spot. This is a difficult thing to keep from happening but the reason that it can be such a wedge is that the father will often begin to find other outlets, not necessarily bad ones maybe hobbies or more time with friends as a result of feeling a little outed. but intern the wife when she needs him most can feel that he has deserted her a little and is distancing himself from the family. Which can be a very valid concern. This is a topic we discussed today and so I wanted to share it with you all.    

    I believe that if we are diligent and conscious in keeping our relationships strong, we can achieve happy and rewarding marriage. Not always easy but very strong, lasting and rewarding marriage.