Did our grandparents know more than us?

 

Did our grandparents really know more about relationships and intimacy than we do? A first you are probably thinking there is absolutely no way they do. I mean come on they didn’t even have the internet right. Well, turns out that might have actually been their greatest advantage in fostering happy healthy relationships and marriages.

Let me first begin with what I believe to be a good starting basis. As mentioned in previous post by myself I have talked about the importance of dating and choosing dates that help you get to know one another, rather than just simply occupying all of each other’s time. Well, this continues to be incredibly important throughout the years of marriage, especially when it comes to being intimate. Let me back up a bit though. The first problem with our society today is our media and music has painted an in our minds that goes something like this. You’re in bar, make eye contact with a cute girl, talk until 2am, have the most wonderful night of your life (if you know what I mean.) Then go our separate ways. Sound about, right? This is a huge problem with the rising generation because that what they see and therefore try to attain. At least for a few years before they “settle down”. Let me tell you of the sad reality of this kind of belief though. First, that never happens. Second those who it does happen to and find love in these kinds of way neat always feel empty and worthless on the inside. That’s because they are merely engaging in a physical activity together and are never actually forming the true connection that we as humans all long for. In fact, for women, the very act causes a chemical called oxytocin to be released that causes her to form a very strong connection that is only to be broken soon after.

As you can see, the problem we face is our media has filled our societies minds with an expectation that is quite frankly not just empty just crippling to our very nature. I want to talk about where this can lead to problems further don’t the line, because many of you are probably thinking that most of society isn’t like that. And your right. so, what about those who “settle down” and get married. Well, let’s talk about that. When couples get married you often think about a big wedding day and then the wedding night and a honeymoon, well again society has light to us and probably has you thinking that the “first night” will forever be the best night but in reality, I think those who have actually experienced this would say it was more of an experiment than it was an experience. And I’m here to say that that is okay. The part that isn’t okay is when both people come into the situation expecting an edited pornographic version of what is simply not reality. That is where real issues begin to arise.

I would like to talk about what it should be like though not just what it shouldn’t. When 2 people get married and engage in marital intimacy the first thing they should know s that their bodies are not only different but work differently, so what may be very effective for a male is likely no so effective for a female. And that doesn’t just go for intimacy. It goes for a marriage as a whole.  Acknowledge this is fundamental to building a strong healthy connection in marriage. Since intimacy is the most direct way to doing this, I will use it as an example. When a couple gets married their goal for intimacy should look something like the Husband being as selfless as ever in helping is wife to feel loved, safe, and able to be vulnerable with him. While She should be focused on him and become very vulnerable to him. (Which he should never take advantage of) it is actually the deepening trust and vulnerability that makes for meaningful and exceptional marital intimacy. And that’s not something that can happen in a single night. It’s something that is grown and nurtured over the course of a marriage. I think this is what our grandparents understood while we have a pseudo version of it in front of us all the time. But when you really think about it. Its about your spouse and their needs more than anything the world tells you.